Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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