I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
