I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
