I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
