also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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