Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
