sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
