i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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