I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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