i just sent this text using only my big toe
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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