i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
