Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
