she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
