Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
