DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
