there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
