So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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