i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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