perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
