We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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