I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
