My first STD was from a foam party
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i've created a new STD.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
