First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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