Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
