20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
