i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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