they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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