he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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