I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
