I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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