the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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