Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
