I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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