his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
