It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
