I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
