Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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