Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
