I cannot find my penis.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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