Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
