just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
