im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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