Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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