its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
