Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
