When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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