Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
