I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
