so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
