It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
