Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
