I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
